Back to School

Back to school for the second time this year, I’m lucky. It’s not bad but I’ve missed a lot. But it could be worse. I plan on getting everything caught up, but for some reason I don’t see that happening. Because I always plan to catch up and it just never quite turns out that way. But by gods I’ll try! I need to get my GPA up so I have a chance at college. Hopefully.

Susan is still insane. Actually to the point of dangerous now. And well it’s terrifying, I called my mom from the school office phone to warn her away from answering the door to an old man. Apparently wants to shoot someone in my house. He brought a freaking gun and it’s stupid and nobody’s rational. It’s just to much, Evan’s a good guy and he means the world to me. But I’m not going to put my family in danger…it’s a really hard decision but I have a feeling I’m going to have to make it quickly. And I really wish I was joking but my life is crazy. Really, really crazy.

Note to Self

First off always put in your blog title the word sex. In all caps if possible, the views you get are insane. And you get to see what people are searching in order to come about said title and it’s not exactly appropriate…ew.

Alrighty last night I got back to Arkansas to find my boyfriend has left for his Dad’s and i have no way to get a hold of him, other than through the almighty Facebook. Which he’s barely ever on anyway. Turns out his mom is going her ‘crazy bitch’ thing again. I don’t see how he’s put up with her for so long. I’m not sure if he’s coming back or not, in a selfish way i want him to but I really want him away from her so he can be himself-ish. I’m not sure he can do that with either of them, but something tells me he’s got more of a chance with his father. Hopefully. I just want him to be happy and I’m willing to sacrifice seeing him all the time for that. I don’t know, it’s very upsetting. It’s been aggravating my anxiety that much is for sure. But thats not much to ask for him to be happy is it?

There’s no place like home

Tonight I head back to Arkansas. And Evan, mostly Evan though. I can’t wait soooo excited! Except that i don’t want to leave Caitlina nd everyone else, because I’ve missed them so much..

But I am ready to go back. Anyway, I don;t really have much more to say. I have a really long ride ahead of me so i have to shower and get all comfortable. Talk to you later

Stay the hell away from me

It didn’t go as bad as expected. In fact I was a little disappointed with the lack of drama. Not that a wanted any per se but well all I saw was a guy that could’ve done better. But he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t care. It’s pathetic and sad do see a guy just let his life go astray. Well thats his choice, we may have had something in common many moons ago, but certainly not anymore. Happy day. I kept my promise and saw him like I said, and now i have no obligations to have any relations with him at all. And I plan to keep it that way.

Well my visit to Wyoming is coming to an end and I’m looking foreward to seeing Evan again. Yep I got him this awesome little dagger set that i think he’ll love.

Promises were meant to be broken, or not

This is my delima. I’m a retard and i made a promise to someone that I wish I hadn’t. I promised Travis two things; 1. We will continue to be friends because we were friends before the “breakup”. 2. Next time I visit WY we will visit for a few to catch up on old times.

Now I can’t go back on that promise and i don’t want to see the guy that was the first to break my heart. But I know that I have no feelings for him and I never will. Once I met Evan I realised that I deserved so much better and Evan is the absolutely AMAZING. And I’m going to take this chance to make sure that he knows once and for all that he and I are done. I don’t love him, I don’t have feelings towards him, not even a hint of attraction. But I have to see him tomorrow because I promised because, well because times were different and I hadn’t moved on, seeing as I made the promise the day we broke up. God i’m and asshole. I really don’t want to see him, but I don’t want to be a liar.,

I made a promise and i intend to make good on it. Even if it’s awkward. I think it’ll be okay, because I’m a new person and I have a new life and, Thank Gods, he’s not in it. Evan is and that’s what matters. Travis isn’t even a threat, he’s more like a bad memory than anything else. I miss Evan and i want him here with me. i can’t wait until I can go home and be in Evans arms again, and have him kiss me and caress me, God I feel so lonely without him. :’( But I’m going home soon! And I appreciate him so much more now, because I realise I have a good thing and all of my friends are having stupid relationship problems and I’m having a beautiful relationship with man i love with my heart and soul. There’s nothing in the world that could steal him away from me (hopefully i mean I probably shouldn’t say that and jinx it). But nothing coiuld take me from his side, and I know they’ve tried but I’m stronger than that and my heart belongs to him, my body and my soul.

Sorry about the sentimental-ness I just had to express my love in the only way I knew how, writing *having a blog helps tremendously!*

-To Evan (even though he never reads it….loser face. ) Lolz

I’m not Insane :D (pic of me recently)

I look good in this photo

passion v. obsession: SEX

Okay today I’ve been mulling over the many cases of adultery. Fun subject. Well I was wondering the difference between being passionate about sex and just good ol’ obsessed.  So does cheating on your significant other make you obsessed with sex? Or does your “other” partner just offer something more?

I think maybe that somebody seeking more passion in their sexual life may be driven to try new things with new people. That doesn’t make them obsessed, just unsatisfied. What got me on this subject was a recent case between a couple that are friends of mine. He went off and she found out. Not a happy moment but he was very kind and told me his side of the story. She screamed obsession he countered that he was unsatisfied with her unwillingness to try new things, to fulfill sexual desires, reluctant to act on “hot” impulses.  Obviously their relationship ended in bad taste.

My view is that this is one of the few i say are in a gray area. The few times I’ve been around the cheating and sneaking it hasn’t been any sort of obsession just a lack of passion in their previous partners. Sad as that is. But I’m unwilling to say that it isn’t obsession because thats possible to, some people just have no control.

Rock this way!

So I’m in Wyoming for a week! Visiting everybody is great! I’ve missed everyone so much it’s not even right! Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!! Well I had a pretty awesome day of tackle hugs and lots

You’re a weird one, Mr. Grinch

Let me just start with my favorite expression: Ugh.

Ugh to this whole mess, which wouldn’t be quite so bad if it weren’t just a mess to me. Maybe if I had a suffering counterpart, I wouldn’t feel quite as…ugh.

Did I mention I have no friends? Just your average sixten year old loner with nothing but a job and an exceptional talent for daydreaming. And a boyfriend, who might I add, is sleeping at the moment, thus leaving me alone in a state of mental distress. Not that it matters much, seeing as how he’s the one   for whom I am going through distress for.  It’s hard to talk to the person upsetting you about how said peron upsets you, the only result is elevated distress. Now it’s nothing life changing or earth shattering in the ways of revalations, but it’s important nontheless.

See I work at a Wendy’s and I enjoy it there. What I don’t enjoy is juggling work with school and Evan. Because Evan is the only person I particularly talk to and Evan is the only person I really ever spend time with. So o course I have come to expect a lot from him. As in he must simply be everything I need. He must be the best friend, the lover and fill all the roles I need. The roles that in most peoples lives, there are many people to fill. Unless you’re me and you come to depend upon one person. That can only e the biggest mistake one can make while in a relationship, I’ve preached that to many people. And I step back and realise I have done the one thing I warned people away from. 

So of course now that one person is failing to fill the roles of many and I’m upset, and I have no idea what to do. I know it’s not fair, but the emotions keep roaring inside of me. I feel like I’m going to explode and I know that it’s not right but I can’t help but feel that way. I have absolutely no idea on how o go about fixing this before it becomes a real issue in our relationship….Ugh

It’s the Rich Man’s War But It’s The Poor That Die

So it’s been forever and a day since I’ve blogged. I’m not really sure if anybody actually kept up with it or not. Well just a quick update. Evan and I are still together it’s almost been a year, actually August is a year. I have a job, I’ve been working at a local Wendy’s. it’s not bad. The pay isn’t amazing but it’s money anyway. School is starting back up soon.

I’m going to be a junior so I’m excited. I’m hoping that I can keep my grades up. Really really hoping, even planning on studying a little this year. yeah. Okay so I’m still taking those psychology classes. This year will be my first one, happy day.  Apparently from what I’ve heard it’s one of our hardest classes and most people drop it but I really want this.

Okay so currently I’m having some issues with my boyfriend.  I  still love him and all but I am so PISSED. He makes this big deal about him being the one who picks me up from work and walks me home. So I text him when i get off an twenty minutes later he’s still not there. I go inside to pee because I really really had to. It takes me like 30 seconds to pee and then another 30 to wash my hands, so one minute compared to twenty.  He couldn’t wait one minute. Because i get out go back outside and him and his friend are already heading back to his house. So I start walking behind them because my house is that way too. And I call his name and text him, he doesn’t look behind him. So FINALLY he goes to throw a rock behind him *god knows why* and one it almost hits me two he’s already almost home. i finally catch up with him and then he’s like, “Well i gotta go!”   He gives me a quick hug and then run off leaving me to walk the rest of the way home. I call him later and he’s still home. Apparently he, “Would’ve walked me home if he thought he’d of had the time.’

Anyway thats my little rant. It’s been awhile. Ahh felt good.