Forget the Lust
forget the happiness
forget the pleasure
Remember…
remember the pain
remember the hate
remember the death
Forget…
forget everything you once were
Remember the animal you really are
Remember the peole you KILLED
Forget the peole you SAVED
Here, you are alone
Take my hand and enter the NIGHTMARE
Nobody cares about you
They are liars
they hate you
DESTROY THEM
Do you remember me?
Or have you forgotten me,
old friend…
Evan Jackson
May 11th, 2009
On this ground I lay,
Buried in blood,
Tired and wounded,
Thinking of my life as it passes by.
I see now that behind every lie there is a truth,
And behind every truth…
An even greater truth.
I turn my head to see my dead brethren,
So much death,
How cruel God must be to do this,
If there is no God,
I have been forsaken.
No turning back now,
My end is near.
The loved ones of mine,
I miss ‘em dearly.
Amanda, my beloved spouse,
I’ll miss you so much,
Please tell our daughter that her father died a hero’s death.
Hold her for me,
tell her I’ll always be there,
As her Guardian Angel.
And for you baby,
I’ll be waiting above the clouds,
Then we can be re-born as lovers.
Baby, I love you…
—Evan Jackson
4-21-2009
Ever feel like the entire world turned against you? Yeah. Its like no matter what i do it isn’t good enough for the people I love. It’s insane. i try so hard, so hard. I guess people were right. It’s never enough. you just keep going and going until you realize there’s no place to go. I mean everybody has somewhere they want to be, everyone thinks they have some greater purpose and that this life leads to that ‘purpose”.
So what happens when you die? Do you fufill that greater purpose? Or are you just dead? You aren’t really remembered. Maybe for a couple years but then your memory fades. Everybody fades away eventually. I know there are historically famous people and everyone knows them. Except they don’t remeber them. People remember the things that they had done. Not the person they were. You never hear about how they felt or what made them who they were.
What are we supposed to to? Who are we supposed to be? Is it all predestined? Is there some greater god that is looking down on all of us, making his/her judgements on the way we live? I don’t think anybody really knows. We all just sit around fat asses trying to act cool and collected pretending we know exactly whats going on and that we’re in control. But we’re not, not even close. We’re not in control and maybe some greater force is, or maybe not. Maybe everything happens for a reason, or maybe everything just happens. I don’t know why things go the way they do or why people become the people they do. And maybe I don’t know because I couldn’t handle it if I did.
Some people want to know when they will die but thats possibly the stupidest thing to want. Because then they would inevitably try to change what couldn’t be changed. So I guess in my view everything happens and we don’t know why, possibly because we just aren’t capable of surving with that sort of knowledge. Maybe it’s best that we are left in the dark about our own lives so we can continue to live them.
So life
Yeah…
UGH!!!
Okay so this is what’s been going on.
Failing school. (No surprise i always fail the last 9 weeks, it’s like a rule)
Mom has a new boyfriend who’s over all the time and it sucks because he’s weird
He told me he was gonna spank me on my birthday (who came up with that anyway??) And i told him he’d have to catch me and I then had rights to kill him.
So first impressions are always great.
Plus my brothers are freaking out because they love my step-dad and they miss him and now my mom is smoching all over this other guy that none of us really even knoe. I honestly don’t care because I didn’t love my step-dad and I don’t like my mom. But I care about my brothers and I don’t want to see them all upset.
Yeah
Evan and i are still together 8 months and still on fire. lolz
This is the group I go to. Its free and easy I swear. All you do is sign up, join a cause choose a sponser, add the badge to your networks like myspace, bebo, myyearbook, wordpress, facebook, and every profile view you get, your cause gets money from your sonsor. So join and help me and everybody change the world a little at a time. HAVE A SOUL? JOIN A CAUSE!
I just joined the cause Invisible Children. I’ve been following this organization for a while and thought I’d let my readers know. This is a very very important and needed group. Maybe not for you personally but for children in Africa who are going through hell raight now and they didn’t do thing to deserve it. Kids with their hands cut off, watching their villages burn down and their friends killed. Even being kidnapped and forced to kill people themselves. Its horrible and I hope others out there will see this and realize how bad its gotten with little to no informatin being given out on the media. It’s disgusting, celebraties and their make-up , break-ups get coverage but other people in need hurting badly and kids younger than 10 going through pain most of us can’t even imagine.
http://www.invisiblechildren.com
this is their official site watch the videos it doesn’t take long. See a couple of minutes of what they see everyday. Help make the change please.
Well I’m grounded. I can understand why and I completely accept the consequences. I do need to have more self control when it comes to my raging hormones. Really I do. Our land dictator lady decided that she’d had enough of Evan and my PDA. Which I understand. i had no idea we were that bad!! I get so caught up in the moment its like bliss. An I don’t wanna stop. But looks like it’s less than personal when everyone else sees it. So I’m gonna ride this one out. No complaints no arguments. My fault and nobody elses. God I hate having to be responsible, but I can’t get mad over something that is my bad.
‘Other than that i made the best score on my MATH test out of the ENTIRE class!! That is major for me. I suck sooo bad at math it isn’t even funny. Right now I’m listening to My Chemical Romance. Seemed like a MCR kinda day. Yep. Well have a nice day/night. Peace.
Life is really hectic right now which is weird because it’s going really slow. We have a bunch of tests coming up at school. No fun at all. But its all good because I’m pretty sure I can pull through. Hopefully. Maybe, lets hope so
But then again i really don’t get a lot of math
But of course I could always cram..I’m really good like that
Kind of
What?
Yeah
Anyway
Soooo today was like whoa crazy.
In a nice sort of way. I had a really deep conversation with Evans mom, had some intamite moments with Evan. Ate some delicious fries. Oh yeah. That was good. All in all a pretty good day. Now tomorrow I don’t know. Who does? Not me
Definetely not me. I hardly know what’s gonna happen 10 minutes from now.Okay just to throw this out there I love the way wordpress does the numbers. See look at the normal type the look at the numbers.
12345678910 Wikked awesome I know. LOL
Enjoy the simple things people. I know I am tonight. So sweetest dreams all of you.
I won’t be to bed for another few hours because of energy drinks! I know they aren’t healthy but omg I think its awesome i don’t wanna sleep. ANYWAY bye bye. Oh and thanks for the 40 views yestarday!!
Dude this guy Pinky keeps coming to my house and its like 3 in the moring and below freezing. He’s kinda slow
Right now I’m siting on Evan’s couch. My mom is in Wyoming, Jonathon and Eric are playing video games. I’m blogging. Anyway I think today I’m gonna talk about Evan’s mom. She’s the best really she is.
It’s like when we talk I can relate to the struggles she’s been through. We have a lot in common. Not in a creepy way just I relate to her. I feel at home with them. It’s nice. Plus she’s really random and funny. Yeah.
I like ti here. OH and its been 6 months for Evan and I. Half a year baby! Lolz and its still great. Travis is jealous but he can get over it. Lolz. I’m back to writing short stories and poetry.
I don’t know if I’ve been feeling better yet. Depressions a funny thing in the not so funny way. But mainly I’ve been happy except when my mom and I fight. Other than that life is good. Lol never thought I’d say that. Life is good.
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